It’s funny (odd, not ha-ha funny) how things change yet stay the same. Here’s a lighthearted example. I was recently looking through the old scrapbooks I made when I was a kid. I found a picture of me doing the “this is me” pose with a big grin on my face. That picture was taken in 2009. The odd thing is, when I turned 25, I did the same pose and I’m smiling. But those are just snapshots of me in that moment. You’ll probably never see pictures of me crying because I’m frustrated once again that I can’t talk, I can’t drive, I can’t open my mouth to eat or take pills, I didn’t make it to the restroom in time, or adapt to a set of completely different challenges after I get my Botox…and the list could go on.

Dystonia is with me from the time I wake up and until I fall asleep. I probably am addicted to sleep, but when I’m sleeping I’m relaxed. When I’m awake my muscles are always working against each other. Yes, it’s true there are different challenges before I get Botox shots, when I get Botox shots and when the Botox shots are wearing off. It’s such a wonderful cycle. 🙄

Like, right now I’m in the stage where my Botox are wearing off, plus I have a cold which makes everything 10 times harder. This shouldn’t be a surprise to me, yet it is. Every time, I have to adjust my thinking and adapt how I do certain things. For me, living with dystonia will always fluctuate, but isn’t wonderful to know that the Lord will never change (Malachi 3:6). He is ready and able to help you with whatever trial you’re facing.

When I look at my life and all the things I’m able to do, I think, “Why are you complaining about this again? You know it could be much worse. Be thankful for what the Lord has enabled you to accomplish so far.” When I get the “I can’t” syndrome, I have to adjust my thinking and refocus my thoughts on things that are right and not negative.

The list I mentioned made me think of Psalm 139:1-14. The Lord knows what I’m going to face each day when I wake up. He’ll be with me on my good days and bad days. First Corinthians 1:9a says, “God is faithful.” I know that He is faithful, but when unexpected things happen I can tend to question His faithfulness. But I was reading Psalm 103 and 104 this morning and was reminded once again that He knows we’re human and we’re going to doubt and mess up. Psalms 103:13-15;17, “Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children;”

These verses in Psalm 104 were also encouraging to me today.

Psalms 104:33-34

“I will sing unto the LORD as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. My meditation of him shall be sweet: I will be glad in the LORD.”

In 2020, my desire is to refocus on the Lord and to have a compassionate and kind spirit towards others. What do you need to adjust in your life this year?

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